July 25, 2003

Eight years ago right now, I was filled with complete joy. I was wearing a beautiful white gown and enjoying the beautiful evening light of my favorite coastal town, the scent of the ocean and my bouquet of lilies, and the closeness of my love as our carriage was pulled by horse to the bed and breakfast where we would stay now that our beautiful wedding had united us husband and wife.

I would have never imagined that ‘until death do us part’ would come a mere six years later.

Now I sit here, on what would have been our eight anniversary, alone. Widowed. And while I awoke this morning overcome by a deep sadness that soaked me to the bones, my dear managed to do what he always did best: make me smile.

I left early to sit with The Hubs first thing this morning. I wanted to spend the early morning hours with him, when the dew still sparkled in the rising sun and everything seemed fresh. Just like it was on that beautiful day eight years ago. I stopped off to get some flowers (lilies, of course) and as I was walking past the greeting card aisle, I was drawn to it. I always enjoyed picking out cards for The Hubs, for any occasion or no occasion at all. For our anniversary in particular, I would always get him two cards. I could never decide between a funny one or a smooshy one so I got both! This morning, I was looking at them and trying to smile as the memories flooded over me. And then I saw it.

A ‘wife’ card, stuck in the ‘husband’ ones all by itself, sticking out a bit. I got a feeling so I pulled it out and started tearing up right there in the aisle as I read it. Here is what it said:

When things are changing all around us
and the world seems to move too fast,
don’t forget I’ll be right beside you, loving you.

What I feel for you is
deep, total, and enduring–
a love you can count on
without ever having to wonder.

So when you look ahead to the future
or look back at how things used to be,
don’t forget to look beside you,
because that’s where you’ll find me,
loving you with all my heart.

Some would call it a coincidence, some would say I read more into it because I wanted to, but I know better. Somehow, even though he’s not here, my love managed to make me smile today. With a card like those he used to playfully tease me about, he took away my sadness and replaced it with a sense of peace and thankfulness. He reminded me that no matter what, he is always right beside me.

I am so grateful for the blessing of The Hubs presence in my life. This day eight years ago changed my life for the better, forever. And although I wish he were still here, I’ll take the pain of his absence if it is what I have to endure to have had the pleasure of being his wife. Because I can’t think of anything I could have ever wanted more.

Happy anniversary, babe. Thank you for asking me to be your wife and changing my life forever. I love you.

Happy Anniversary and I’m so glad you found some joy and peace today <3

Love this Erin, I believe that card was meant for you as well. Anniversaries are so tough to be alone for…I think it’s almost worse than the years marking their death. This is a time when we’re SUPPOSED to be together. Hugs to you dear.

monica

Awww, happy anniversary Erin.

This made me cry. I too think that the card was meant for you as well. I believe in little messages like that. Even some of the simple things can mean the most. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain that you are feeling. You seem to be a strong amazing woman. Rest knowing he was with you today, right by your side!

I don’t call them Coincidences … I call them GodIncidences, he knew what he was doing today …. Happy Anniversary.

Jaclyn

Erin-

You are such an amazing writer, I look forward to your blogs although they do usually bring me to tears. This one really touched me (they all have). You have a wonderful outlook on life and I couldn’t agree more that Bryan placed that card right there for you. Happy Anniversary Erin. If I could send a gigantic hug via email, I would. Love you cuz <3

Jaclyn

What a wonderful comment Marissa!! Love it.

Jamie

Erin, I think about you often and the loss you have to endure daily, but the memories you made with him will last your lifetime and that is what’s important now since he can’t be with you physically. God bless you and the woman you have become.

Happy Anniversary, Erin!

What you wrote – “And although I wish he were still here, I’ll take the pain of his absence if it is what I have to endure to have had the pleasure of being his wife. Because I can’t think of anything I could have ever wanted more.” was absolutely beautiful, and inspiring. What a life lesson for all of us to learn – that there are things in this life that are worth having, regardless of what the future holds.

Amelia

Absolutely beautiful.

Erin

Thank you Stephanie! <3

Erin

Brenda, you’re so right. The “angel-versaries” are reminders of loss, but anniversaries are reminders of what should have been. Very tough. Thank you, and hugs to you too! <3

Erin

Thank you Monica!

Erin

Thank you, Suzanne. I also believe in little messages, sometimes they are the most important. I appreciate your encouragement!

Erin

Marissa, I LOVE that. GodIncidences…so very true. Thank you! ((hugs))

Erin

Jaclyn, thank you for the big hugs! I feel them :D I’m sorry to make you cry, especially when I know you are dealing with your own hurt. Bless you! <3

Erin

Thank you for your heartfelt words, Selina! I think that is a big lesson for us all to learn, to appreciate what we have right now, no matter what happens. Bless you!

Erin

Thank you Jamie! I am so thankful for our history, and I send many blessings to you and Mark, you have become an amazing woman and I love you!

Erin

Thank you Amelia!

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