Balancing a New Life

I’ve never felt farther away from The Hubs as I have recently.

So much has been going on in the past few months, things I have mentioned and things I have not. Some are paths of progress and some are slides back into old ways. But both are the same in that they have separated me from the last strands of closeness I felt with The Hubs.

I’m struggling with the delicate balance of holding on and letting go. I logically know the way I want things to be…I can put the perfect words to it when advising someone else. But as far as putting it to work in my own life? It’s a lot more difficult than it seems. How do you create that perfect intermingling of carrying the presence of your loved one with you while¬†exploring¬†your new life? One could argue that you don’t create it, you just let it happen. But life doesn’t happen the way we want it to, we all know that. So there has to be a conscious effort to achieve that harmony. A single tip in one direction or the other and you could end up with an unhealthy obsession for either the past or the future.

How do you create balance in your life? How do you carry your lost loved one with you as you move forward? What do you do when you feel so very, very far away?

I think this is something all widows struggle with and there really isn’t a right or wrong answer. Just like everything else on this grief journey we are all different and must do it our way. We must do whatever we are most comfortable with and frankly, for me, it all seems uncomfortable at times.

I struggled with this a lot. I didn’t want to admit that the closeness of him was slipping away. It feels like another loss in losing that close feeling and the intimate details of memories of him. Love to you as you figure it out.

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