Down in the Valley

I’m starting to really dislike my favorite phrase. I’ve always used the phrase “hills and valleys” to describe the rollercoaster moments of life. It usually comforts me when I am down at a low point, because of the promise of the hill to come. Now, I’m starting to get a little bitter. Because sure enough, when you are finally in a good place — weee, you slide your fat ass right down into the valley.

That’s where I’ve been the past several days or so. Things have been pretty good lately and then suddenly, out of nowhere, I realized I’d spent the last two days in my jammies, not accomplishing anything, getting impatient with my child, ignoring responsibilities, and feeling on the verge of tears every 10 minutes. And since that realization, I’ve slapped on the smile and tried to get caught up and filled every other waking moment with projects (hello stripping wallpaper and deep cleaning the office and rearranging furniture). But still, at night, after the duties are done, the lump in the throat is still there. The sense that something is wrong, the discontent, the physical sickness that I can’t pinpoint to it’s emotional cause.

I should be comforted by the prospect of another hill ahead, or at least coping with this valley with the newfound perspective I’ve had lately, but instead I’m just all doomsday about everything. Lonely. Bored. Discontent. Uneasy. I’ve been pouring it all out in prayer every night, but otherwise ignoring it. Swallowing it down in true Erin fashion. Not the best, but what else can I do?

Maybe it’s my approaching birthday. Those have bothered me the last few years. Maybe it’s a protective mechanism, not wanting to get my hopes up about the possibility of happiness. Maybe it’s my old friend depression still lurking in the background. Whatever it is, it can pack it’s bags and get the hell out now, kthnx. I’m tired of feeling like the crazy lady.

Sonya

Sweetie there is nothing wrong with you. I think its just March in general, your birthday and May events. Its very over whelming. You will make it through like you have the past 30 months. Dont hold your feelings in. You need to get them out. You know you can call me anytime you need an ear. Seems we stay pretty much on the same cycle. You will find your happiness. Love you

One of my favorite quotes: “If you are in a bad situation, don’t worry- it’ll change. If you are in a good situation, don’t worry- it’ll change.” –John A. Simone, Sr. (Don’t even know who that is!)
I just love that quote because it summed up what I had realized about life not long ago- when things are great, I am nervous because I know it will take a turn for the worse! Then when things are bad and I think they can never be better, suddenly they are. That’s just life.
But I know how you feel and I really hope things start going uphill for you again!

It seems to be the worse (at least for me) when I can’t pinpoint it – I can’t say that *this* is what’s causing it. Frustrating.

I’m seconding Sonya. I have my moments, too, and they tend to be around certain times within the year that link to certain things – and like you’ve said. You know that “up” is right around the corner – they always are. The whole unfortunate point of the “downs” are that they make us so bummy, we don’t believe there is an up on the horizon anytime soon, even when there is. ::hugs::

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