“Slow down and everything you are chasing will come around and catch you.”
-John De Paola
I’ve been struggling recently. I’m the queen of avoidance, procrastination, and hiding things with a smile, so you probably didn’t know this. Heck, even I didn’t until it smacked me in the face.
As I’ve mentioned before, I tend to keep things inside and shove them away. It’s how I cope, just lock it in a box and go on about my business because either I don’t want to face it, don’t want to bother other people with it, or don’t want to look weak. But that isn’t exactly the healthiest or most productive way of coping.
I’m better about this now than I’ve been in the past, but I still need to try harder to reach out to my friends and family more often when I need help. I also need to get better about not over-committing myself. This is one of my biggest issues; I like to help people, I want to make a difference, I like to be involved in things. So I say yes, dip my toes in a ton of projects, throw myself into multiple areas at once, and suddenly I’m pulled in million different directions and just want to pull the covers over my head and quit everything and sleep all day.
That’s where I’m at right now. Between some personal struggles with the blues and this candle-burnt-at-both-ends feeling, I’ve lost my passion for most everything I’m involved in. I’m seriously questioning the sincerity of my devotion to the project and its place in my life. School feels like an endless tunnel I’ll never get out of and don’t know what to do with when I do. I’m feeling inferior in my volunteer participation. My fitness goals have tanked in the mayhem. …and a bunch more. The only things that feel right to me right now are the positive changes happening in parenting with my kiddo and the positive step I’ve taken by starting counseling.
I know it’s all a part of growing. It’s another one of those shifts, the growing pains that come with making strides in your personal growth. I can feel the significance of this period in my life; I know that one day I will look back on this season and see the positive changes with clarity. But while I’m in it, it’s a struggle. I don’t want to let anyone down, I don’t want to be a quitter.
But I need to slow down. I need to be still, listen to my heart, feel the pulse of life around me, and stop trying so hard. It’s time to let the things I’m meant for find me.
Have you taken the time to slow down recently? How did you lighten your load? Have you had to let go of any commitments lately for your personal happiness? I’d love you to share below.