Suggestion #3 – Talk Out Your Thoughts and Feelings
Express your grief openly. When you share your grief outside yourself, healing occurs. Allow yourself to talk about the circumstances of the death, your feelings of loss and loneliness, and the special things you miss about your spouse. Talk about the type of person your husband or wife was, activities that you enjoyed together, and memories that bring both laughter and tears.
Whatever you do, don’t ignore your grief. You have been wounded by this loss, and your wound needs to be attended to. Allow yourself to speak from your heart, not just your head. Doing so doesn’t mean you are losing control, or going “crazy.” It is a normal part of your grief journey. [source]
This is one suggestion I don’t feel like I have much room to talk about.
I’ve never really been one to talk about my feelings openly. Well, at least not the deep painful ones. Throughout my grief period, I haven’t really talked about it a lot. I’ve expressed my feelings and thoughts quite openly here on the blog, but I have been much more comfortable writing about it than talking about it.
When I have talked about it, it’s been with my head, not my heart. I have told the circumstances of The Hubs’ death many times, I have told my story, I have talked to family and friends and other widows. But it’s always been in a very detached, distant, cold kind of way. Kind of like I was talking about someone else, or just recounting some factual details of some story. When it comes to my own emotions, my own struggles, my own pain, I just don’t really talk about it. It’s much easier to push it down and only really let it out through written word.
Why is this? I think it has been a fear thing. I don’t like to cry, and I didn’t want to. And I knew if I talked about it and really connected with it, I would.
What I have learned from this flaw, however, is that this suggestion is truly spot on. You really do need to talk about it, you really do need to let it out. I kept things bottled up, not really speaking about them verbally, for years. And it just made it harder to do. Now, at four and a half years out, I am in therapy and finally opening up to talk about things verbally. And it is slow going. I’ve almost forgotten how to put things into words, and it’s still hard for me to push past my tendency to clam up when I feel myself on the verge of tears or becoming overwhelmed.
If you can find a way, allow your words to flow. Allow yourself to talk, and the key here, to talk from your heart, not just your head. It might get hard to verbalize, and the words might not make sense at time, but the outward flow is a cleansing process that is so necessary. <3
Check out Part 1 and Part 2 here, or read more about this series here.