Helping Yourself Heal – Part 3

helpingyourselfheal

Suggestion #3 – Talk Out Your Thoughts and Feelings

Express your grief openly. When you share your grief outside yourself, healing occurs. Allow yourself to talk about the circumstances of the death, your feelings of loss and loneliness, and the special things you miss about your spouse. Talk about the type of person your husband or wife was, activities that you enjoyed together, and memories that bring both laughter and tears.

Whatever you do, don’t ignore your grief. You have been wounded by this loss, and your wound needs to be attended to. Allow yourself to speak from your heart, not just your head. Doing so doesn’t mean you are losing control, or going “crazy.” It is a normal part of your grief journey. [source]

This is one suggestion I don’t feel like I have much room to talk about.

I’ve never really been one to talk about my feelings openly. Well, at least not the deep painful ones. Throughout my grief period, I haven’t really talked about it a lot. I’ve expressed my feelings and thoughts quite openly here on the blog, but I have been much more comfortable writing about it than talking about it.

When I have talked about it, it’s been with my head, not my heart. I have told the circumstances of The Hubs’ death many times, I have told my story, I have talked to family and friends and other widows. But it’s always been in a very detached, distant, cold kind of way. Kind of like I was talking about someone else, or just recounting some factual details of some story. When it comes to my own emotions, my own struggles, my own pain, I just don’t really talk about it. It’s much easier to push it down and only really let it out through written word.

Why is this? I think it has been a fear thing. I don’t like to cry, and I didn’t want to. And I knew if I talked about it and really connected with it, I would.

What I have learned from this flaw, however, is that this suggestion is truly spot on. You really do need to talk about it, you really do need to let it out. I kept things bottled up, not really speaking about them verbally, for years. And it just made it harder to do. Now, at four and a half years out, I am in therapy and finally opening up to talk about things verbally. And it is slow going. I’ve almost forgotten how to put things into words, and it’s still hard for me to push past my tendency to clam up when I feel myself on the verge of tears or becoming overwhelmed.

If you can find a way, allow your words to flow. Allow yourself to talk, and the key here, to talk from your heart, not just your head. It might get hard to verbalize, and the words might not make sense at time, but the outward flow is a cleansing process that is so necessary. <3

Check out Part 1 and Part 2 here, or read more about this series here.

Tuesday Tunes | Ain’t No Reason

Brett Dennen – Ain’t No Reason

Each week I share a currently meaningful or relevant song from my playlist. You can check out past Tuesday Tunes here. I love new music, so please share your favorite tunes in the comments or use the new the new weekly linky below! This linky is still new, so please share to get it going! :)

Tuesday Tunes Weekly Link Up!

Tuesday Tunes | You’re Not Alone

Saosin — You’re Not Alone

Each week I share a currently meaningful or relevant song from my playlist. You can check out past Tuesday Tunes here. I love new music, so please share your favorite tunes in the comments or use the new weekly linky below! This linky is still new, so please share to get it going! :)

Tuesday Tunes Weekly Link Up!

Fly by update + phone dump!

It got quiet around here this week folks, sorry! School and work are super computer-heavy lately, so I’ve been trying to balance it by staying offline in my free time. I’m nearly halfway through my final seminar for my Master’s degree and it has gotten pretty intense. I’ve just begun a major team project for class, in addition to the regular workload, so the next three weeks will be extra crazy. But the good news is — just 6 weeks left and those three little letters M-B-A are mine. :)

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To add to my schedule, we’ve reached the busy season at the nonprofit I volunteer for. Around this time each year we begin preparations for the annual memorial weekend we host in May. As the outreach coordinator for all of the family members of those being honored, it gets really busy at times. But I am so honored to work with such a great organization. Each time I can make things easier for a family going through what I’ve been through, it reminds me why I’m here.

I’ve also been keeping busy with my fitness goals. I plan to write a post about all that soon! And Uncle (my BIL) is in town for a while, so we’ve been celebrating his separation from the military and making sure he and Little Man get some ‘guy time’. Aside from these things, I’ve been really trying to focus on my word of the year — balance. I’m trying not to overbook my schedule or stress out over things beyond my control, I’m trying not to look too far into the future or overindulge in any area, I’m trying not to place too many expectations or be so harsh on myself. It’s daily work to break habits, but it feels great.

But all this aside, I’m still trying to keep up with my post calendar. I have lots of things I want to share and explore, so I’m not going anywhere. :)

And now, since no quick update post is complete without pictures, here is a random phone dump from the past week or two. Happy weekend lovelies! <3

Wine + pandora, making grad school happier since forever.

Coffee, making life happier since forever.

Bonfire night with buddies.

Takin’ a walk in the woods.

The beach is always fun, cold or not.

This little buddy didn’t want to leave me!

Medieval faire with Grandpa and Uncle! Yes he threw an ax…and a knife.

Silly String sneak attack! I got him good.

Kiddo’s first research project and presentation! He rocked it.

As we do.

Painting every little scale to perfection. :)

Such an awesome gift, my favorite flower. Thanks E!

LauraMc

Such a lovely set of photos and a lovely memory stamp of this time. This is beautiful.

Tuesday Tunes | Feel Again

One Republic – Feel Again

I’m not really a fan of One Republic, but the lyrics to this particular song are SO relevant to me right now. I just had to share.

“…But with you
I feel again
Yeah, with you
I can feel again
I’m feeling better ever since you know me
I was a lonely soul but that’s the old me…”

Each week I share a currently meaningful or relevant song from my playlist. You can check out past Tuesday Tunes here. I love new music, so please share your favorite tunes in the comments or use the new weekly linky below! This linky is still new, so please share to get it going! :)

Tuesday Tunes Weekly Link Up!