Smiling through the Sads

Today should be a High Five for Friday, but dude. This week has been tough. I have no high fives. I don’t even have any low fives.

Stress at school, uncertainty in relationships, impatience, a parenting concern, hurt feelings, and a few other things have put me in a funk that I am trying to pull myself out of.

The kiddo always helps cheer me up with his snuggles and laughter of course, but he also tests me as well. A visit with the good doc on Wednesday helped, so has prayer and a hefty dose of perspective. Venting to my best friend A and some encouragement from my Mama and a good talk with a friend who reminded me where to keep my focus (hint: upwards) have also helped me pull me up.

But it’s too easy to close up and slip into the sads in between.

So what have I been distracting myself with?

Reddit. Imgur. Buzzfeed. Pinterest. You know, musing over all the important things in life.

So since I don’t have any of my own, here are a few high fives for this Friday:

You’re welcome. :)

Time to go burn off some steam with another de-stresser – cleaning to the sweet sounds of loud angry music. Girls weekend starts tonight, woot! One of my best friends is coming in from Atlanta this afternoon and staying with me for the weekend for some trio time with A and me. I anticipate some much-needed silliness for everyone…first up, a dude’s burlesque show tonight. This is going to be interesting!

*edit, these aren’t linking to their sources properly for some reason, sorry! All came from the depths of the sites linked above :)

Tuesday Tunes | Miracle

Paramore – Miracle

Each week I share a currently meaningful or relevant song from my playlist. You can check out past Tuesday Tunes here. I love new music, so please share your favorite tunes in the comments or use the new weekly linky below! This linky is still new, so please share to get it going! :)

Tuesday Tunes Weekly Link Up!

Helping Yourself Heal – Part 3

helpingyourselfheal

Suggestion #3 – Talk Out Your Thoughts and Feelings

Express your grief openly. When you share your grief outside yourself, healing occurs. Allow yourself to talk about the circumstances of the death, your feelings of loss and loneliness, and the special things you miss about your spouse. Talk about the type of person your husband or wife was, activities that you enjoyed together, and memories that bring both laughter and tears.

Whatever you do, don’t ignore your grief. You have been wounded by this loss, and your wound needs to be attended to. Allow yourself to speak from your heart, not just your head. Doing so doesn’t mean you are losing control, or going “crazy.” It is a normal part of your grief journey. [source]

This is one suggestion I don’t feel like I have much room to talk about.

I’ve never really been one to talk about my feelings openly. Well, at least not the deep painful ones. Throughout my grief period, I haven’t really talked about it a lot. I’ve expressed my feelings and thoughts quite openly here on the blog, but I have been much more comfortable writing about it than talking about it.

When I have talked about it, it’s been with my head, not my heart. I have told the circumstances of The Hubs’ death many times, I have told my story, I have talked to family and friends and other widows. But it’s always been in a very detached, distant, cold kind of way. Kind of like I was talking about someone else, or just recounting some factual details of some story. When it comes to my own emotions, my own struggles, my own pain, I just don’t really talk about it. It’s much easier to push it down and only really let it out through written word.

Why is this? I think it has been a fear thing. I don’t like to cry, and I didn’t want to. And I knew if I talked about it and really connected with it, I would.

What I have learned from this flaw, however, is that this suggestion is truly spot on. You really do need to talk about it, you really do need to let it out. I kept things bottled up, not really speaking about them verbally, for years. And it just made it harder to do. Now, at four and a half years out, I am in therapy and finally opening up to talk about things verbally. And it is slow going. I’ve almost forgotten how to put things into words, and it’s still hard for me to push past my tendency to clam up when I feel myself on the verge of tears or becoming overwhelmed.

If you can find a way, allow your words to flow. Allow yourself to talk, and the key here, to talk from your heart, not just your head. It might get hard to verbalize, and the words might not make sense at time, but the outward flow is a cleansing process that is so necessary. <3

Check out Part 1 and Part 2 here, or read more about this series here.

Tuesday Tunes | Ain’t No Reason

Brett Dennen – Ain’t No Reason

Each week I share a currently meaningful or relevant song from my playlist. You can check out past Tuesday Tunes here. I love new music, so please share your favorite tunes in the comments or use the new the new weekly linky below! This linky is still new, so please share to get it going! :)

Tuesday Tunes Weekly Link Up!

Tuesday Tunes | You’re Not Alone

Saosin — You’re Not Alone

Each week I share a currently meaningful or relevant song from my playlist. You can check out past Tuesday Tunes here. I love new music, so please share your favorite tunes in the comments or use the new weekly linky below! This linky is still new, so please share to get it going! :)

Tuesday Tunes Weekly Link Up!