Quick Hello and Exciting Honors

Hello all! Been a busy week around these parts, we have company visiting so I’ve been spending more time offline. It’s in great timing to keep my mind off the impending anniversary approaching later this month. Both the Little Dude and I are enjoying visiting and taking trips to the beach and hanging out with friends and family. I’ll be back regularly with more posts next week. For now I thought I’d pop on with a quick informational post to let you know about two very exciting things for the blog!

I am pleased to announce that the blog has been awarded another great honor. Remember our nomination for the Top 25 Mental Wellness Blogs from Circle of Moms? Thanks to your support, NYAW has been named the 3rd top blog! Check out my interview and the other top 25 bloggers featured. I am so thankful for this honor and for the ability to reach and support others who are dealing with similar situations. It’s wonderful to be a part of such a great community of strong women.



Also, you may have noticed the addition of a few ads on the blog. I’m now a part of the BlogHer Publishing Network! You’ll now see ads and links to relevant posts by other bloggers in both the header and sidebar of my blog. Be sure to check out the blog links, the network is filled with wonderful writers. You don’t have to click on any of the ads, but if you feel inclined they will help me with keeping the blog running.

A quick note about the ads. BlogHer is very understanding of it’s bloggers preferences and beliefs, and in keeping with this there are certain ads you will never see here on Not Your Average Widow. Because I am a firm believer in health and nutrition, you will never see ads for fast food restaurants or processed foods. Because it is my hope that every woman embrace her own unique beauty, you will never see ads for cosmetic surgery, diet pills, or quick weight loss schemes. And because I believe in respecting everyone’s differing beliefs, you will never see ads relating to any specific religious or political denomination.


Off to enjoy the rest of our visit, see you next week! <3

yay! Congrats!


Yes, congratulations are in order! This is an amazing priilege, sharing your path on a journey I wish with my whole heart you had never had to take. My thoughts are with you, this month especially, but always. Miss you and Bryan, especially as our leaving Okinawa fast approaches and I think back on all the fun times and great people we have known here in the past 7 years. And one day we are going to meet the little man of whom you are so justly proud! Lots of love………

Blast from the Past

October 7, 2009

Feeling very weird this afternoon. I realized that I haven’t felt sad in a while. From about noon yesterday and on, I’ve really felt myself slipping back into our familiar old daily routine. The phone isn’t ringing as much, not as many people are coming by, and Little Dude is back to ‘normal’ on his schedule. I am doing things the same way as I always did before, throughout this entire deployment. The day is exactly the same now, only minus a phone call and a few emails. And it feels normal. And that feels so wrong. I think I am sinking into a weird state of denial or disillusion. As long as nothing triggers my thoughts in that direction, I could go on for a while pretending like everything is ‘over’ and ‘back to normal’ and one day The Hubs will call with his flight itinerary and I will start getting things ready for his homecoming. That is exactly how I feel right now. It just feels like he is still deployed and still coming home one day. I have this constant feeling of waiting humming in the background and I am not sure what to attribute that to. Is it that I am so crazy that I am waiting for him to come home still, or perhaps my subconscious is waiting for me to come out of denial and accept that he is gone? Part of me really feels like I need to do something to trigger myself and the flood of a breakdown that is lingering behind the huge wall I have put up, and then the other part of me is too afraid and sad to do that and is perfectly content to stay in my little dream world. I just think it is so weird that I haven’t felt sad or haven’t really felt anything for the last two days. I must be a cold heartless bitch. But maybe I’d rather be that than feel the misery I think is waiting in the wings somewhere. I really want to run away somewhere for a while, maybe go to Utah to hike the trails with T or go to Kentucky to have a beer with L. Somewhere that is completely different and maybe would shock my system into realizing that life isn’t normal right now. Okay, I am rambling.

Lonely Enough

This is another song I’d never heard until Camp Widow. I managed to not cry all day Thursday, all day Friday, and half of Saturday…until I sat in the ‘Mad at God’ workshop, which started out with this song. The flood finally unleashed, and I bawled like a baby. I still do when I hear it. But that’s not such a bad thing.

Full recap nearly finished, check back tomorrow!

Little Big Town — Lonely Enough

It’s been a long time since I prayed
Let the words fall where they may
Forgive me now
for what I’m about to say
Tired of being on my knees
Sick of begging you please
Since the day you took him away from me
God, how much more do I have to hurt?
How far down do you wanna see me go, tell me
God, you don’t know the sadness of this place
You’ve got the angels and the saints
So give me back my love
Don’t you think I’m lonely enough?
You’ve got the power in your hands
To change the master plan
Every star and every grain of sand
You can bring him back today
Just roll thestone away
Before there’s nothing left of me to save
God, how much more do I have to hurt?
How far down do you wanna see me go, tell me
God, you don’t know the sadness of this place
You’ve got the angels and the saints
So give me back my love Don’t you think I’m lonely enough?

I love little big town. Bring on home is one of my favorites. It’s what I send to Kev when he gets too down :)

10.5 years later, this song stirs up those feelings I had after he died. Thank you for sharing. It’s good to be reminded of him all these years later.

Jen de Jong

wow, Erin. I’m sobbing for you. I can’t even imagine the kind of loss you live with each day. What I love about this song is how it not long gives words to what so many must feel, but also gives permission to be mad at God, which is the path to reconciling with God. (I went through a different but similar path when my TBI robbed me of my writing career 3 months before my first book released). You inspire me.